Like any other online transaction, you go through a painfully monotonous procedure of filling out your name, address, phone number, preferences just to sign up and create a log-in. Then you get back online using that login to get good rates, compare prices, check out the competition, feature-shop - all to get what you believe is the best value for your dollar. Naturally, for each company, you have to create a login, which makes getting a quote even harder. For every company you consider, you have to create a seperate log-in, filling out the same stupid form over and over again. But in today's economy, money is time. As one who likes to generally be frugal, I don't mind taking some time to save a few of my hard-earned, hard-saved dollars.
I made a reservation two weeks prior to arriving in Newark Airport figuring that getting my rate in early locks me at a better price, and guarantees me a car. As one who likes to plan ahead AND be a good consumer, I decided on the bigger names in the car rental business for my localized transportation needs.
About 5 bucks a day cheaper than the competition, I settled on Hertz. Such a huge, successful company certainly has some expertise in the process of swiping a credit card and handing over the keys to a potential customer right?
You're reading my blog, so obviously, you have a pretty good idea of what's coming next.
I walk up to the counter of Hertz in Newark Airport's terminal rental office, a fine looking building suggesting that business is not only possible, it's probably very good. You'd think professional and quick service is a staple with the appearance of such a fine looking structure:
Feeling confident seeing one person at the counter and three available representatives (and lucky to be avoiding a line - wow!), I stand and wait at the velvet ropes to be called. Online confirmation in hand, I'm summed to the front by a seemingly nice gentleman.
Seeing my reservation printout, he actually takes the time to walk 25 feet away from me, turn the corner, and walk 25 feet back - all the way around the counter - to lead me to the automatic machines located only 5 feet to my left. Asked why I couldn't just proceed with my rental in person, Ken notes that "it's company policy to promote the use of the machines to keep a percentage, you know, corporate policy". Hmmmm. But with 2 available agents, some people like to interact with people and be on their way - since I had a few questions about becoming a frequent rental member.
Well, I didn't have to worry about not being serviced by a human.
After the ridiculous machine refused to accept my payment (one swipe), this fellow walked all the way around the counter and led me to another machine - you guessed it - RIGHT NEXT TO THE ONE I WAS USING. So after going through the same song and dance of typing numbers on a touch screen and swiping my card for about 5 minutes, my representative finally admitted that the machines "aren't all that great" and invited me back to the front counter.
Of course, it would take this inept cat 10 minutes of swiping my card a third... and a fourth... and a fifth time... before he'd bother to look at the card and realize, "Oh gee, this isn't an acceptable form of payment".
So the payment type I used - refillable credit card - is apparently NOT an acceptable form of payment to TAKE OUT a car, however it is a perfectly acceptable form of payment to make WHEN YOU BRING THE CAR BACK! And it's acceptable for reservations.
For those of you not following:
You CAN use a prepaid debit card to make a reservation online.
You CAN pay for your car with the prepaid debit card when you bring the car back.
You CAN NOT drive the car off the lot in the first place with a prepaid debit card.
Apparently, I'm supposed to reach into my ass and GUESS this.
Wait... WHAT?! Are you people kidding me? So you can take the mone
y from my card when I'm done, but I need a DIFFERENT card to make the deposit? Why not just take the cash out AHEAD OF TIME so I can get to my destination? Or better yet, why don't I just use a different credit card? Gee, I guess I didn't think ahead of time to bring 2 FUCKING CREDIT CARDS with me in order to fall in line with Hertz's rental policies! Why even ASK for a credit card if you accept ones that don't work?!So I ask to speak to the manager, who is walking by my counter buddy at the moment. She briefly glances at me, tells this poor guy, "I'll be over in a few minutes", and walks over to a computer and starts to pay attention to a different customer. 15 minutes later, I'm still arguing with customer service guy and it's pretty clear she's in no hurry to help this poor guy get rid of me. 5 seconds to " verbally override for manager's approval" might have actually gotten me on my way if she would have taken it. I know, WAY too much to bother somebody so incredibly important for! Unfortunately, another customer who was zinged by the same fucked up corporate policy was yelling at her about it, and I slowly watched any possibility of my issue being resolved dissolve away like an Akla-Seltzer tablet carelessly flicked into a swimming pool.
Have you ever just watched a match slowly go out? That illustrates my chances of getting an override. The manager told the guy to calm down, and then turned and walked away. You know, not to help ME or anything, just... "away".
I carefully deducted that any person holding a prepaid debit card that day was pretty much never going to get a smile out of her. So fine, I have another credit card IF I ABSOLUTELY NEED ONE (sigh!), so fine, please ring this AUTHORIZED MASTERCARD so I can get on my way. There is PLENTY of money available, and I guess I'll send two credit card payments instead of one.
Well, due to the fact that I had several swipes on my card already, Hertz apparently NOW needs to do a CREDIT CHECK on me. Wait - I thought I was just lacking the right card. So I had gotten this far, and was already tired of this doomed soul denying me a rental vehicle I already had to log on, register and reserve, I said fine, go ahead. I own a house. My car is paid for... no problem. Right?
Hahahaha. Wrong.
Denied?! WTF!! The guy hands me back my card and says, "Sorry, I guess you can't rent one after all".
I'm trying to rent a car, NOT buy a house, and NOT rent space in the Hertz rental office overnight to sleep on the overaged office furniture reserved for... well, probably people who hold prepaid debit cards. He apologized profusely, and quite honestly, I believe he was apologizing for how fucking stupid his company treats a new customer. It was clear that he saw how ridiculous this process is.
He was pretty professional all around, and I'll give him credit for trying to maintain professionalism, except that the Hertz company says he's not allowed to be. Likely for the lame-ass corporate bullshit he had to go through - get a certain amount of people to use the stupid machines, not get to make decisions in order to help his company make money, tell people who had perfectly good money that he couldn't help them... it's almost like finding an angel in hell - a nice guy among the madness of corporate dictatorship, dealing with a broken online credit card system that accepts reservations using cards that Hertz won't honor, and the doomed-soul management that ran the place, apparently unable to assist me. Or anyone.
I wanted to say to him, "Hey buddy? You're a nice guy. I'm going to go somewhere else who wants my business and rent a car, and I'll drive you out of this godforsaken shithole and drop you off at a bar so you can have a drink - cause I sure believe you deserve one." But quite honestly, at that point, the only drinking I wanted to do was alone. This guy wasn't exactly fighting for the attention of the manager either - more proof of his powerlessness.
And more than anything, I just wanted to get out of the clumsy, inept organization called Hertz Rent-A-Car.
So I go over to Avis. Well, they swipe my card and realize that there are so many holds on my card from Hertz's Swipe-A-Rama that I can't rent from THEM either! "Sorry sir". So much for that "We Try Harder" slogan. They didn't do SHIT.
ATTENTION CAR RENTAL COMPANIES!!!!
I HAVE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! WHO WANTS TO RENT ME A FUCKING CAR?!!?!?!??!
So I head over to National, wondering if I'm going to have to WALK the 23 miles to my hotel. Thankfully, National Rent-A-Car doesn't HAVE these stupid trumped-up policies, and simply asked to see my return flight itinerary, which I was happy to hand over. After a few short clicks, they even offered to call my credit card company FOR ME and speak to an agent to get an approval code, for which they were successful. Hertz, NATIONAL fixed your mistakes! Which is why I joined their Emerald Club and rent from them exclusively!
10 minutes at National's rental desk. I got a car. AND they cleaned up a mess of authorized transactions.
10 minutes at Avis. I got no car, but at least they were upfront and quick to say, "No, move on".
AN HOUR. A FUCKING HOUR at Hertz. I got pawned off to a machine, pawned off again to another machine, my card swiped up like a pretty girl on an escalator, my credit checked, my normally good-natured attitude pushed to the brink, and 30 days later, a nice letter from the Credit Reporting Agency - which apparently requires so much credit, I could have just rented a fucking helicopter. If I had known, I'd have brought a picnic basket and at least had a meal.
So I email to customer service (heh) in early January inquiring about who to complain to. I got a response on Feb 23, 2009. Wow. A month! Maybe if I had just stood at the counter for a few more days, I could have eventually gotten a car!
Thank you for your e-mail. We appreciate the opportunity to review your concerns.
The President and CEO of Hertz is Mark Frissora.
The address to the Corporate Headquarters is below. The Hertz Corporation 225 Brae Blvd. Park Ridge, NJ 07656
We appreciate this opportunity to provide assistance. Your business is appreciated (what business?!) and we look forward to being able to serve you again. (pffft. again?!)
Sincerely,
======== (Not her fault)
Customer Relations
Gee, that was timely. I guess I'll just send Mr. Frissora the link to the WOA. I better not write any blogs for another month, so when he gets here, this will be at the top.
Hertz, I got UNLIMITED MILES in your WORLD OF ASSHATTERY - and didn't even drive out of your parking lot.
